Welcome to the Season 4 premiere of “Glee!” On a new Bat Time, but same Bat Channel! When we saw these kids back in May, Rachel got accepted to NYADA, but wasn’t going to go because Kurt didn’t get in and Finn didn’t get into Pace University, but Finn broke up with her and made her go; we last saw Rachel crying and singing “Roots Before Branches” as she arrived in the Big Apple. Kurt and Blaine are still supposedly together but Kurt has no game plan. Mike was going to go to Joffrey Ballet in Chicago and it’s been hinted that his relationship with Tina won’t last. Will and Emma still weren’t married and rumors have circulated there won’t be as much “Wemma” this season (thank goodness). Thanks to Sam’s Youtube video, Mercedes got a recording contract and was going to move to L.A., Santana turned down her cheerleading scholarship from the University of Louisville (to probably move to NYC), Quinn went to Yale, Puck (maybe?) went to L.A. as well, and Brittany didn’t graduate because she had a 1.0 GPA.
Fans had questions: how would the show handle its cast being in different places? Would the show jump around too much? Throughout the summer there were various rumors: A new love interest for Rachel named Brody (played by Dean Geyer), a possible reunion with Finn, who joined the Army, but then dropped out? A bitchy dance instructor at NYADA named Cassandra (Kate Hudson) who puts Rachel in her place (thankfully), a more consistent role for Unique (The Glee Project’s Alex Newell), who transfers to McKinley. Sarah Jessica Parker was cast as some sort of mentor for Kurt (who will eventually move to NYC and room with Rachel and Santana). And new New Directions: Jake and Marley Rose (newcomers Jacob Artist and Melissa Benoist), among others, and another Britney Spears tribute!
Ok, ready?
Cassandra July teaches Dance 101 and thanks NYADA freshman students for paying the rent on her place in SoHo, and after telling nicknaming a student Muffin Top, she zones in on Rachel, calling her Little Ms. David Schwimmer, “I bet you were a big star back in Iowa” (um, hi “Smash” reference), and telling her “your stuck up little attitude is really pissing me off” and “you suck.” Ouch. (But after all the ass kissing in Lima, it’s time someone puts Rachel in her place right?)…Rachel is lonely in NYC – she hasn’t heard from Finn in 2 months, her roommate always has company, she has to shower at 3 a.m. when nobody else is around because people make fun of her extensive bathroom routine. They have co-ed bathrooms at NYADA. How awesome. And there she meets Brody, a junior who also has an extensive bathroom routine, singing “Sister Christian” (wasn’t Finn also in the shower the first time we heard him sing?). Brody gives Rachel a nice little pep talk, we get to stare at his abs and we learn he’s straight.
Jacob Ben Israel, a favorite character of mine, starts out with his hilarious commentary and asks the burning question (and the episode’s title: “Who is the new Rachel?” Apparently the Glee Club is now popular? Artie sits with cheerleaders, Sam has groupies, Tina has a freshman as a personal assistant and broke up with Mike Chang (but got a tattoo on her hip that says Mike Chang forever, but now says Make Change Forever because change is good). Jeez Tina, a little cold? Everyone thinks they are the new Rachel.
Rachel phones Kurt three times a day, but that’s alright because he has nothing better to do than visit his old high school. But he does meet Sue’s baby, Robin (named after her favorite dead Bee Gee). Sue has a new minion, who might be better than Santana. Kitty (played by Becca Tobin) who is “like a young Quinn Fabray except she’s not pregnant, manic depressive or in and out of a wheelchair.” Kitty delivers the best line of the night: “I thought gay people were all successful over-achievers.” Kurt is going to a community college.
Apparently it’s bizarro world now, because as soon as Mr. Schue puts up the the sign-up sheet (nice haircut, btw), everyone wants to join! Where are the slushies?! Anyway, Schue brings in Unique (or Wade, we’ll see what he goes by), who transferred because he wants to be where being different is celebrated. Tina and Artie and Blaine are NOT happy. Schue tells them he doesn’t want to hear about “the New Rachel” because the Glee Club is a team, blah blah blah. Clearly the kids don’t listen, because there’s a sing-off! And what do they sing? (Eye roll….) a cover of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe”….(featuring Blaine, Brittany, Tina, Unique). Artie will be the judge – Unique vs. Blaine vs. Tina vs. Brittany. Brittany’s voice isn’t very strong. I’m kind of underwhelmed by this version. When I heard it was going to be on Glee I expected something…big, because this was the biggest song of the summer, as Tina put it. I actually enjoyed the Olympic swimmers’ version better than this Glee version. And apparently Artie is underwhelmed as well – he needs time to make his decision.
Brittany doesn’t talk to Santana very much, and you can’t make out over webcam; Kurt works at the coffee house and is more excited about Glee Club auditions than Blaine or Santana. He also is very bad at his job because he’d rather hang out with his boyfriend than fill the biscotti jar. And Kitty’s iced latte is too cold.
The Glee kids may be popular, but the peace between them and the popular kids is weak. They yell at Unique for wearing make-up and ask him to save Unique for performances and be Wade the rest of the time. This comes after Tina is snobby to sophomore Marley. Why are they being so un-Glee? So unaccepting and judgmental? Oh…because the Cheerios and football players sit with them. And when the popular kids are mean, the Glee kids join in (Artie drops a 1980s joke….but hey, whatever gets you to fit in, right?). They make fun of the large lunch lady, who we learn is Marley’s mom. She sews a J.Crew tag into a second-hand sweater so Marley doesn’t seem so poor. This whole segment bothers me.
Back in NYC, Cassandra needs a new assistant to make her smoothies (uh, Hi second “Smash” reference”), that are spiked with alcohol (or Listerine, as she tells Rachel). She still picks on Rachel, or actually, motivates, Cassandra says. I’m pretty sure Kate Hudson lip syncs her mash-up of Lady Gaga’s “Americano” and J-Lo’s “Dance Again.” But her dance moves are ok. I guess. She’s no J-Lo, that’s for sure. This is a song I would have liked to see the Troubletones perform.
Glee Club tryouts! (Kurt is helping?). Stoner Brett should and Dewanda aren’t…right for the club. But Jake is. He sings The Fray’s “Never Say Never” or part of it because Mr. Schue rudely cuts him off. If they only had 90 seconds like on The Voice, they should have said something, no? Jake reacts by kicking over the music stand. Do you guys know who Jake is?
Whoopi Goldberg as NYADA dean Carmen Tibideaux returns, leading the Round Room. There’s the “freshman reaping” and the “winter showcase”, which you get to sing at “if you’re invited.” Tibideaux cuts Ave Maria girl – tells her to reapply in December. Then orders Rachel to “impress her” which she aims to do with “New York State of Mind” (Billy Joel, but popularized by Barbra). At the same time Marley sings the song for her Glee Club tryout. It’s a duet. At least both girls get all the way through the song before being cut off. Again, I’m underwhelmed. Brody claps for Rachel and Tibideaux approves. Schu says Marley has “star quality” much to the annoyance to the rest of the gang.
The List is up! Marley makes it! Jake does not. I thought there is supposed to be like 12 kids (at least) in Glee Club? Why wouldn’t they just accept everyone? Before they were begging kids to join now they’re turning them away? Sugar gets to join, and she’s tone deaf! Anyway, Artie picks the new Rachel, and it’s Blaine (but Brittany was a close second. What? Is Artie tone-deaf?) Tina and Unique are mad. Schu brings Marley in to welcome her and Sugar asks her about her sweater. Marley lies and says she got it from J.Crew and Sugar knows it’s a lie. Cue some mother-daughter time, and we learn that at Marley’s last school she had no friends because of her mom. Marley feels bad about lying about her mom, but her mom wants Marley to have a chance to have fun and be a high school kid.
Blaine tells Kurt he doesn’t belong at McKinley anymore, he belongs in New York. Kurt’s reapplying to NYADA, but Blaine (who can’t stand to see him go) can’t see him stay stuck in Lima. Kurt doesn’t have to be in NYADA to go to NYC (good point). Blaine sings “It’s Time” by Imagine. Artie probably made the best choice in naming the new Rachel, Darren Criss has the strongest voice out of all the candidates. Although I’m not sure what that cups/clapping thing was….But the scene between Blaine and Kurt was awesome, as are all scenes between them are.
Blaine and Brittany argue about Artie’s decision but Kitty isn’t having it and would rather talk about the homecoming float. Football player suggests riding Marley’s mom, Sugar chimes in until Marley stands up for her mom. Go Marley. “I thought you guys were different” she says as she walks away. Good for you, Marley.
Brody is moving in for the kill with Rachel – Brody and his girlfriend only lasted 6 weeks when he started at NYADA. Rachel is not going to abandon Finn though, he’s in the Army, that’s why she hasn’t heard from him. Brody tells Rachel that she came to New York to be “that new and improved girl” and not to “fight to new you” because “she’s going to kick some serious tail.” (Tail? really?).
Cassandra wants “Black Swan” level of dancing, singles Rachel out again for her pique turns. After slight praise and Rachel promising to be the best dancer Cassandra’s ever seen, the teacher goes back to putting Rachel down, promising to make her every waking moment hell on earth. Well, that’s something for us to look forward to.
Here’s Mike O’Malley, TV’s greatest Dad. He has 2 weeks of money for a hotel and an emergency credit card. Kurt says it’s not necessary to go to NYC, but Burt promises that it will be a breeze and that New York is great because people aren’t afraid to be different. “You can always come back” he tells Kurt (“but you won’t” he says when Kurt can’t hear).
Sam begs Marley not to quit. He tells her that he used to be in her boat and understands what she’s going through. The whole club apologizes with Tina explaining that it felt too good to be popular and they forgot who they were. Marley doesn’t want to sit with Kitty and the football players anymore, but that won’t be a problem…Kitty says they accepted the old Glee Club members (including Richie Rich) but didn’t sign up for “Pre-Op Precious Based On The Novel Barf, by Sapphire” and Mike and Molly’s Daughter. Unique and Marley get slushied — they are officially Glee Club members, and “order is restored.”
Schue calls in Jake to talk about his audition. Schu points out that sometimes Jake might get booed – is he going to throw a mike stand at the audience too? He also says he knows Jake is Puckerman’s half brother (but Puckerman doesn’t know about him). Schue wants to take a chance on Jake — like he took on Puckerman, but Jake isn’t going to lose his chip on his shoulder. “I’m not my brother,” he says as he walks out and turns down Schue’s invitation.
And here’s the song I’ve been waiting for all episode, “Chasing Pavements” by Adele. Marley takes lead vocals; Jake watches from the top of the auditorium. “Should I give up or should I keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere?” is the anthem of a lot of the kids – like Rachel. She calls Kurt crying about how much she misses everyone and how she’s having a hard time adjusting…but Rachel and Kurt have a wonderful reunion in the park. I like that their friendship has endured Rachel getting into NYADA and Kurt not. With so many of the friendships on Glee just surface friendships, this one makes me happy.
Next Thursday we learn that Cassandra is the biggest train wreck in Broadway history, and oh yeah, it’s another Britney Spears tribute.
What did you think of the Season 4 premiere? Excited? Disappointed? Were you as underwhelmed by the songs as I was? Leave your thoughts in the comments.
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